I often get asked if I have trouble letting go/selling my art work. Not really. I have a few paintings I will keep because of when I painted them or the subject matter. However, if you were to ask me to give up one of my sketchbooks, that would be a hard parting - even though I have a ton. I’ve been painting for 25 plus years and have as many sketchbooks. (I did lose one once on an airplane and called the airline for a week straight to see if anyone ever turned it in. No luck and it was heartbreaking.) About every 15 pages or so a good painting shines through. But between those good ones, it’s mostly exploring and art play, making mistakes and unfinished pieces. I think the number one emotional response I feel when I look back at my old sketch books is, “these aren’t that bad.” But believe me, at the time, I struggled. Every time I approached my art that inner critic in me recited the same old list off of all the reasons I am not ever going to be a good artist even before paint hit the paper. “I was wasting a good journal, my time, my paint…” Those kind of thoughts often flooded my mind. However I do believe that my inner critic “The Mega Bitch” quieted down simply because I painted in my journals in spite of her very loud harsh voice.
Recently I spent a day looking through my sketchbooks, I noticed there was a specific time period where I liked the watercolors I produced the most. Ironically, it was also one of the hardest times in my life. Nearly 20 years ago, my life took a hard right turn when my 7 year marriage came to an abrupt end. Just before this marriage ended my art was just starting to sell. I had participated in my first art show and every painting I submitted sold! I had a great group of artists in my life and we took classes and painted together a great deal. I was starting to see myself more than a hobby artist and feeling confident in my skills in watercolors and even considering going to art school. But, with the end of that marriage, I had to tuck those hopes and plans away. I moved away from that person and the town we lived to start a new life in a new city. I took my paints, but packed much of my artist ambition away as I focused on finding work, friends and a dentist in Los Angeles. For the first year or so I didn’t have much of a life beyond work. I often took my sketchbooks and paints to explore that crazy sunny city.
View from my apartment in Los Angeles
There were lots of tears that came with mourning the end of an old life and the uncertainly about myself and future. The only thing that helped me get out of my head, even for a few hours, was to go and paint. And quite frankly there were some days I just needed not to cry and I was vain enough to not cry in public. I left my small North Hollywood apartment to paint in gardens, on the coast, in my neighborhood, and in parks. I painted because it was one thing I knew I was good at. In those days I didn’t paint out of a drive to become a better artist, but because it was a place of comfort. Watercolors was this little beacon reminding me of who I was in spite of all the turmoil around me. Lots of things fell away, but I still had this. It was really good therapy – whether I meant it to be or not. And it always calmed my anxious heart if even for a bit.
Of course there are many times I have spent painting in a great mood and it’s a lovely experience. But painting when you aren’t “yippy skippy” can then become both a way to care for yourself AND work on your art. By spending time in your sketchbook, you are telling yourself in a very physical way,
“ I have value no matter how I feel and what I learn through this, what I create, what happens IS important!”
It’s not about creating a masterpiece, it’s about being there, painting in spite of the inner bitch and the bad circumstances. In the act of showing up, opening your sketchbook and dipping your brush in paint, you are breaking through those negative moments and opening yourself up to something new in and giving it room to come out on paper.
The Power of the Sketchbook
Some of my best work I’ve done has been in the pages of my sketchbooks. After 25 years of painting and as many sketchbooks, I still absolutely love looking through them because I can really see how I’ve grown as a watercolor artist.
Here are just a few of the reasons I love learning/painting/playing in sketchbooks.
1. For my eyes only. No pressure.
2. You can explore and try new subject matter and new ways to use watercolors. You can be an abstract artist on one page and then do a very detailed ink drawing on the next. You don’t have to stick to one style, you can do any and everything you want and often many of these “play” watercolors are the seeds for larger work.
3. Besides collecting actual images, collect poems, words, quotes, song lyrics that inspire your work and vision as an artist. It is in these “paying attention” moments you really learns to SEE.
4. You can’t tear out the pages, and well, you shouldn’t because they all matter – even what you see as a really bad mistake usually are moment of tremendous growth.
Art supply suggestions
Let me first off start by saying, use what you have. Don’t put off working in a sketchbook because you think you need all the supplies to make a great book of art. Talk about pressure! More important than the supplies is the time you spend playing and painting in your sketchbook. That being said, here are a few of my favorite items. (BTW, no one is paying me for plugging these, there are just my tried and true.)
Sketchbook: The best watercolor sketchbooks are Handbook and Moleskin with paper specifically for watercolors. (I even think the Handbook drawing paper is very good.) Choose a book that can lay flat because of it’s binding or it’s spiral bound. If you have one that doesn’t, clip it. Don’t pick one that is too small either.
A portable watercolor palette - Make your own from tubes of paint you have or buy one like this Winsor Newton Travel one I’ve used for years and have refilled the cake colors myself because I’ve had it for so long.
One or two brushes: Round watercolor brushes #4 and #8
Pencil and micron pen I like sepia toned pens and not black for notes and some outlining. Sometimes the black is seen first and not the paint. And for me it’s not my style preference.
Reference to Pinterest or Instagram” I paint from images that are not watercolors. Want to paint a rose? Look at a real rose first or a picture of a real rose. Don’t paint from another watercolor’s artist painting of a rose. Then you end of comparing your work to someone else and well that’s not fair to yourself and learning process. You need to find and learn to be you and sometimes that takes a bit of time and effort.