Long before there was Pinterest and Facebook, I was collecting quotes. Quotes that I hoped would change me. I think I've been collecting quotes since 1990. I have this fabric covered journal I made and I would write quotes from books or cards that I liked in order to inspire me. This quote collecting was manageable and fun. Now there's Pinterest, and I must say I'm overloaded with quotes. Heck, I'm overloaded with everything. I love beautiful art, pictures of great home decor, fun things to make and most of all quotes that should inspire change and hope and... well, change. But like everything else, I just seem to collect these things but don't seem to do much about them. Sometimes, I'm even drained by what I think I should be doing or being. And I'm left with the question, "Am I really being inspired by all that I see on the internet or am I just collecting, comparing, adding more to the pressures of my life?"
It's such a tricky question. I don't know that there's an overall absolute correct answer. But I do know for me, now more than ever, I need to practice some self-discipline. And, I would have to say, Self-Discipline (dunt dunt DAH) is not something I've ever had to really practice. I've come pretty far by handful of smarts, good metabolism and just plain luck (or so it seems.)
Now more than ever I need to self discipline - which means self train and guide towards things and thinking that is best for me especially as I raise a little girl. I think the biggest and hardest thing for me to come to terms with is just how visiting all my favorite sites like Pinterest, artist sites and blogs is really affecting my own creativity. Sometimes (lately ALL the time) I just feel terribly discouraged and frustrated as an artist. Like, my work is not enough. I'm not as good as so and so. Why can't I be more like.... And then I find I become this weepy, whiny weirdo. EWWW! Yes, comparison is the thief of my joy. And I am weak. Limiting my time on the world wide web of wonderful things probably is a good start for me to practice the fine art of self- discipline. I hope to regain a stronger sense of self and new creativity. There is nothing worse than ending a day wishing I had done more because I've spent too much time on-line believing everyone is passing me by. I'm hoping that self-discipline in this one area of my life will grow in others too.
I so dearly want to end my day and close my eyes in peace, not with my mind racing around thinking I should have done more. That's been an awful was to live. I can only do so much. You can only do so much. Let's trust that we are enough for today and we have done enough.